Thinking in Time Frames with Commitment Phobic Men

Here’s a common problem and what we call Commitment Phobic Men.

A woman tries to impress a man by doing things to show that she’s a good long term relationship partner, but the man responds by withdrawing and closing off to her. In my experience and from studies I’ve read, men have a few general ways they can see a woman as a potential relationship partner in the beginning:

• Not interested

• Interested as a friend

• Interested as a lover

• Interested as a lover and perhaps something more long-term

And here’s something fascinating….

Men have a big secret, and if a woman knows that secret it would make a man ten times more likely to want a long-term relationship with her. But men don’t want you to know about it.

Here’s the secret: If a man sees a woman as a lover and maybe something more long term, he’ll be ok with waiting for things like sex.

Let me say that again…
Make a man wait for sex. Nearly every man I know, even the “players,” have a common theme among all the women they’ve dated seriously. The woman made sure that things moved slowly and that sex did not come before deeper levels of attraction and intimacy were built. (In terms of time, this usually meant a minimum of one to several months before they were more physically intimate.)

Making a man wait for physical intimacy or sex is a MUST DO if you want the option for anything serious in the future.

When a man feels strongly about a woman for more than just a physical fling then he’ll be much more patient about sex and physical intimacy than if he’s just interested in a woman for something physical. He’ll gladly wait for a woman and enjoy the process of learning about the woman as he “courts” her if he sees potential for a long-term relationship.

Here’s the fascinating thing that goes on when a man must wait for a woman… By waiting, he isn’t experiencing just the physical aspects of the relationship and focused on it like men often do.

Instead, he’s forced to evaluate his own feelings for the woman and his readiness for a serious relationship upfront, before things move along. This is unlike how most situations come about for men where they want to put physical intimacy before ever evaluating the potential for more.

On the other hand, if a man sees a woman as just a physical thing, he’ll be likely to push for sex and become impatient. This is a key signal that a man is just interested in something short-term or physical. It’s great for a man to want it, but it’s not OK for him to become irritated or pressure a woman in any negative way. So if a man does this or pays little attention to a woman’s needs and interests as he’s waiting to be with her it’s because he’s not seeing any potential for anything other than a physical intimasy.

Unfortunately, some women feel such a strong connection or physical attraction to a man that they make the mistake of jumping into bed with him even if they know in the back of their mind that made the wrong move too soon. And once they’ve already slept with the man they can’t turn back.

They start to become attached and start treating the man like a long-term boyfriend and expecting the same in return.

They may do things like expect him to spend part of all of his weekends with her. They expect that he’ll won’t date anyone else. They expect that he’ll start introducing her to his friends or family.

They expect to make future plans together— for activities, trips, events, etc.

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